Recently in my life events occur that go beyond the bounds of decency and morality, so far that if I lived a few centuries before, I would certainly have been burned at the stake. Moreover, I myself create and attract these events. I wanted to describe a couple of such events, but it turns out too rude and ugly. And, after all, most of all I love beauty in everything. And sincerity, which has already scared off many people from my social circle (fortunately!). Therefore, I will try to be as sincere as possible in this story. I'll start from the beginning!

1. Bitch love
No matter how hard you try, when it hurts, it hurts.
Haruki Murakami.

From the very beginning of my conscious life, I wanted to just love and be loved. In the classics of the genre, of course, I did not find complete reciprocity. The vanilla world in my virgin head was not at all like the reality outside. In me there was no masculinity, courage and all those pretentious masculine qualities that we see every day on TV. I would not say that I was steaming strongly about this, can you really be soared when you are just a few years old and you can buy alcohol at every corner.

My romanticism quickly annoyed the girls, I became too boring for them in a month, or even earlier. During this time, I managed to get the maximum to get to my sweetheart's tits: D I would not say that the lack of sex strained me, I liked kissing, hugging and everything like that. But from the sex, I certainly would not have refused at that time.

I built the perfect script of first love in my head, but it turned out to be abandoned and unhappy. Now I find it funny and I write it with a smile, but then it was very painful for me. As I remember now: that first belated snow, the cold creeping up to my skinny bones, the song “My decemder” link park in headphones and a feeling of aching sadness in my chest. I could not eat for a couple of days, I just didn’t want to, and I still don’t listen to this group. I listened to her every free minute, my emotions were too closely tied to these songs, as if taking all this pain in my chest. Now he has specially turned on to listen to remember everything. I also found that video games help to forget for some time. And of course I drank. I was drinking like a pig with my friend (with whom, as it turned out later, the same story happened) on the veranda of the kindergarten, which became dear to us at that time.

I remember reading sms that she doesn’t love me, I played loud music in my headphones and I sobbed like a bitch in the dark and didn’t even hear it. But my brother heard, opened the door to peek, and my grief was mixed up with a sense of shame.
The point here is not even in her. In her place could be absolutely any girl, it was in me. The girls were for me some unknown and, of course, in the very first girl who spoke to me, I fell in love. I opened completely and got spit in the soul.

I was very much rescued by her friend. We corresponded with her all the time by SMS (as with all friends, in principle). She just understood me. That was enough. I still remember the smell of her hair spray when she hugged me drunk, in the cold)

The next day was a school New Year disco. Of course, I was drunk and it turned out that we were kissing the whole disco with that very girlfriend) The next day, my ex-girlfriend, of course, wanted to beat me, but it was just a formality.

A few months after breaking up was bad, but I kept everything to myself, I just tried to spend more time with my friends, in particular, with my drinking companion.

I describe it so carefully, because after that, I have never had so much pain. After these sufferings, my mind was unrealistically pumped, like the muscles of an athlete. Now rarely what bitch can make me suffer :)

By spring, I bloomed and was ready for new love adventures.All acquaintances took place through acquaintances on common booze, another version of dating seemed to me bad in those years. On one such drunk, my friend met my second love. Or love. I myself do not understand what it was.

We had only one variant of behavior with the girls - drink it yourself and make them drink, and there that the thread will work out.
And this time it also worked. She herself took me by the hands, hiding from the spring, but still cold wind.
We started kissing, Diman was kissing next to her friend. A beautiful girl in the arms, a good friend beside - life was beautiful. A couple of days...

I remember her sms, that she would never give me to anyone. She left as spontaneously as she appeared.
Gone missing for several weeks or days, I do not remember already. Later I learned that she was already with another.
I did not have so much pain, I just took a beer and a half, went to a friend, complained and booted.
This feeling was more a disappointment than a misery.

2. First sex

Having not found mutual love, I decided that I had to have sex all the same: D You can’t die as a virgin in the 21st century. My best friend, a drinking companion, agreed with me and we made a bet. Whoever first has sex with a girl gets drunk with good alcohol from the loser. At that time, we booze all sorts of rubbish like the Baltic 9 or gin and tonic, so Vermouth and Coke for us was a drink of the Gods. At that time, I was persistently writing to a friend of my second girl who “met” like Diman. In fact, she zadolbala him. Her hints that she wants me were obvious, but I just turned sixteen and I was very stupid and green. I remember he wrote that, hike, I will lose the argument, because she told him, that she wrote something there, which encouraged him to have sex with her. It was funny to me, but something prompted me that I had more chances :) Though by that time I had experienced a lot of pain from the girls, I did not have anger on them. I did not like and do not like to hurt people. I made sure that there were no serious relations in our triangle and made an appointment with her. I hesitated to do the right thing. I did not know that the right solutions do not exist in principle.

At that time, I was persistently writing to a friend of my second girl who “met” like Diman. In fact, she zadolbala him. Her hints that she wanted me were obvious, but I just turned eighteen and I was very stupid and green. Not having found mutual love, I decided that you should have sex all the same: D You can't die a virgin in the 21st century. My best friend, a drinking companion, agreed with me and we made a bet. Whoever first has sex with a girl gets drunk with good alcohol from the loser. At that time, we booze all sorts of rubbish like the Baltic 9 or gin and tonic, so Vermouth and Coke for us was a drink of the Gods. I remember he wrote that, hike, I will lose the argument, because she told him, that she wrote something there, which encouraged him to have sex with her. It was funny to me, but something prompted me that I had more chances :) Though by that time I had experienced a lot of pain from the girls, I did not have anger on them. I did not like and do not like to hurt people. I made sure that there were no serious relations in our triangle and made an appointment with her. I hesitated to do the right thing. I did not know that the right solutions do not exist in principle.

Diman at that time was in the village, which can be reached on foot in an hour or two from our area.
I remember, I saw her, as she came to me and realized that I didn’t really want her. She was obviously not as beautiful as my previous girls.
I decided that we would meet Diman half-way from his village and just go for a walk. We took 2 liters of gin and tonic with her, cigarettes and went with her through the forest to Dima. A small part of my soul said that I should win our argument ... Naturally, with the increase in alcohol, this part of my soul was already completely singing.

We crouched behind a hill in the grass. I don’t remember how I seduced her and who else seduced anyone. No, I was not drunk. Just a long time ago it was.But I clearly remember that I did not like sex. I asked myself: "And so much about this ...

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