“Fuck you!”, The mother shouted at me and threw something at her arm. I managed to dodge and run away to the next room, where, as usual, I sat at the bed on the ass and put my legs together, hugging my knees. We lived in the eight in a two-room apartment of an ordinary panel house not far from the “Bittsevsky Park” terminal station of the Moscow Metro: a mother, stepfather and six children, among whom I was the fourth child.

With brothers and sisters we lived in a ten-meter room, where mine was a place against the wall on the lower tier of a bunk bed. My mother and stepfather often got drunk, after which the latter often kuralesil and shouted to the whole apartment, which always scared me badly, since I was a terrible inborn coward. Sometimes I got it, but it was so rare and not significant that it can be assumed that I was never beaten. In me there was nothing masculine I consisted mainly of the female component and the nursery, which was even characteristically expressed in me physically. Even at 18, I was a sweet, handsome boy (not a man) with beautiful big eyes, a childish face, rather narrow shoulders and a big head. Naturally, I was very afraid to fight when someone screamed at me, but from the latter I never cried, because from fear I was usually paralyzed to the point that I could not breathe, not that crying. At school, everyone always treated me well, and I was even very lucky that we had extremely few hooligans, and almost all the guys were from absolutely normal families.

My child-female infantilism and a not-so-big mind made it impossible for me to understand that there is such a thing as “work” and it should be “done” because it is necessary, which is why I studied very poorly and received my first incomplete diploma secondary education, where almost everything consisted of triples. Only you do not think that I am there any kind of pedoristic bias and everything! Not. Since childhood, I was not instilled a love for all sorts of people there, I rather were even afraid of them. Just gentle as a baby girl. It is hard to believe in this, but the planet Earth, the Milky Way Galaxy and our Universe in their infinite, but unified self-similar naturalness, which people call the simple word nature, clearly did not expect to have such a creature as me. Although I grew up in a large family, I was not at all ready to live in this naturalness, due to the complete lack of understanding of everything that is happening and the very desire for success and victory. Even when I got a job at a cafe, one of the same cafe workers came to me, like Karen, and told me to leave, because, as this place was already packed for his friend, who would soon arrive in Moscow. Naturally, I refused to leave, after what I received lightly in the face at the back of the cafe and promised to leave me disabled, which, as usual, brought me into a complete stupor and shock.

Naturally, thoughts of suicide were constantly coming to me, since everything that happened often seemed more unnecessary than intolerable, but something always interfered with me. Even my cowardice was a strong reason not to commit suicide. It all started when I once received a message in My World of my mail. You ask, where did my computer come from? Yes, I do not have it and never had. I just always was very friendly and people were friends with me and invited me to my house. One time, my classmate and friend Maxim told me about Contact, My World, Facebook and other social networks, where we registered my pages at his home. Naturally, my page was nothing more than a blank page dangling on infinite space, where there were only three photos and all were common photos of our class. We took another photo in Maxim's room to put it on the avatar.

I entered my page only when I was allowed to get on the Internet, which means no more than about once every two months.Of course, I could climb more often if I wanted to do this. Even though we had nothing at school, I could hang out at computer clubs and go online there, but I was not interested in all these classes and subcultures, like computer games, football, music, and more. My page was hanging out on the endless space of a social network, and hardly anyone was concerned with it. And, here, one day, I opened a message in My World, where there were only two words: “Hello, Zayachok!))”. It was a letter from a 45-year-old woman. I said hello, but since it was not online, I naturally forgot about it. The next time I went online only after 3 months and saw that this woman wrote to me again. Max gave me to sit at his computer, so I even managed to communicate with her through the Agent. She asked what I was interested in and how I live, and I even had nothing to answer. After we talked a bit, this woman wrote me a message that shocked me: “Little rabbit! May I invite you to a restaurant? ”

I was just shocked by this invitation. Nobody ever invited me to a restaurant and I don’t even know what it is. When we sat with her in a restaurant, she took me and almost everything about how I live and what I do. In general, on the same day she offered to live with her. And what was left for me? On the nose, graduation from school, and then on the way to nowhere or to the army, where they will most likely make a cutlet out of me. I began to live with her. Naturally, no one in my apartment was even interested in why I did not come to sleep. Later, only my elder brother asked, but I said that I found where to live and what was good for me there. That's all..

I lived in her house, I do not even know in what capacity. I just lived with her, ate in the morning, went to school, then returned to her home. It was a luxurious house, I have never been in such a place and everything that was done inside was so beautiful and so thought out. In every detail, an idea, in every idea, there was a certain power of style. I felt it all very emotional, and I do not know more about what: because I am so sentimental as a woman or because I am left-handed. So we lived for some time with this woman as friends, and I did not even know what I should do. I really liked the beautiful clothes from the shops Calvin Klein, Lacoste and Zara ... I didn’t know how I had to thank her for it. I was quite closed in communication with strangers and did not even know what to tell her, so I just told some stories from the school. I liked this expensive apartment and this delicious food, but I knew perfectly well that I still had to pay for everything, but I didn’t know how. One day we watched TV with her and she kissed me gently on the cheek, with a cat, did not move away from me, kissed me on the lips. I just stopped and I did not know at all what actions I should take in this situation. I had absolutely no instructions for such a case and I was just sitting in a state of shock and in a very stupid position.

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

"Not". I really never kissed a girl, I don’t know how to do it.

"Just open your mouth and repeat all the movements behind me."

So I first kissed. She just sucked me. I understood only that I like what she gives me, and since she likes what I can give her, then I just have to give it to her. So I learned to kiss in all styles and in all forms. At first, of course, it was scary, but then I got used to it.

Then there was another turning point. I do not want to tell how this came, but I remember that she told me to undress. While she was in the bathroom, I undressed and slipped under the covers. She came out to me in stockings, panties and a bra. As a partisan, I was lying under a blanket, covering my neck and realizing that the day had finally come when this would happen. Sexual intercourse I was most afraid of in life. It was twice as bad as if I had been beaten three times. She lena on the end of a huge bed and put her hand under the blanket, caught my leg and slightly let go of the blanket holding my leg by the palm.

“God! What beautiful legs you have! ”, She said in a tender voice, after which she kissed my fingers and pads several times,“ what are your legs for women! So perfect! ”

She admired my foot, periodically kissing the sole.

“What bends ... what a harmony!”, She said, after which, smiling, looked at me, “you probably should have been born a girl ...”

I did not find what to answer and did not answer. She tongue led me along the sole and it was obvious that her eyes were closing. I was already pressed from what was happening ... I gradually, holding on to the edges of the blanket, began to involuntarily lift it to the level of the nose, thereby, as if hiding behind it.

Then there was a very unpleasant moment when I first had to make an independent decision. She took off her pants, and I was scared, because I don’t know anything at all about anything.

“Make me tongue!” She said, spreading her legs a little, twisting her crotch with her hand. I'm so blunted! I didn’t know what to do in this situation. It was as unusual and scary as if I saw a bag of heroin in front of me.

"Come on ... come on ... do it!" Don't be scared! ”She said in a flattering voice.

I continued to blunt, and it was clear that I could not do it, after which she sat down, looked at me with a cold gaze and said in a serious, slightly frightening voice:

“Little hare! I'll send you back to the trash, where I took you ... "

And at that very moment I realized that she was absolutely right and if fate in this cruel world, where I can’t cope at all, gave me such protection, then I have to pay for it and hold on with all my might. And whatever I felt and thought, it was absolutely no difference. For the first time I understood what “need” is. I made her a pleasure mouth, just licked like ice cream, feeling along the way, whether she likes it or not, purely intuitively. Then she shook, because it was an orgasm.

Of course, 99.99% would say that it is garbage to do such a thing, and it is not even worth talking about it, but you cannot tell or explain what it is like to be me ... what be a hare ...

Author's e-mail: freepis @ mail. ru