Cold water has gone, but I knew that it would not help. It does not matter how much I scrub myself with a washcloth, I will never wash it off. After closing the taps, I got out of the bath, wrapped myself in a towel and sat on the floor. To top it off, Dad whipped my poor butt, but fortunately, the cold hard tile brought me some relief.

- What should I do? - I asked a question in the void. - What should I do?

* * *

- Hi, Debra! - Guest leaned forward and smacked me on the cheek.

“Hello, Shar,” with a wide smile, I invited her inside. “Maybe you make your own coffee, and I will join you in a minute.”

- Of course.

I closed the door behind her and ran to turn off the vacuum cleaner. All my mother's friends are now my friends. And I like Charlene the most. She is a few years older than her mother, loves to drink, is unintelligible in men and swears like a shoemaker, but even when I was Karl, I breathed unevenly to her. I even fantasized about the two of us, but even though she was teasing me, it is unlikely that this would happen in the actual business.

- Shar?

“I'm here,” she said from the living room.

I sat next to her on the couch and took a cup of coffee from the coffee table. Her coming dramatically improved my mood

- So, Shar, what are the fate of me? - I asked.

He was silent for a minute, as if she was not sure of the answer, then she decided.

“Let's talk for cleanliness,” Shar sipped her coffee and asked. - How are you? I mean really.

Hell, with this question she made me think of a nightmare that has been going on for two months now. Why don't we just chat about this and that.

- Why do you suddenly ask? - coldly asked.

- Come on, Deb. You're great, your mother, you know why. You are now all kind of depressed, oppressed; before you were much less likely to be in such a bad mood. I am worrying about you.

“Everything's fine with me,” I lied. - Thank you, of course for your concern.

- Damn, Deb, that's just not necessary with me. We, dick knows how many years are familiar - she put the coffee on the table and sat closer to me. “I will not leave you alone until you tell me what the matter is.” Better let's try to solve your problems together.

As much I hated her for interfering in my life, as much I was grateful for trying to help me. I was torn between the desire to drive her to hell and the desire to confess everything. Ultimately, my choice was the last.

“Well, you know ... damn ... this is all my damn life,” I began.

And looking into the black depth of a cup of coffee, I tried to explain everything to her as I could, naturally without any supernatural details.

- We have long been all the people. Karl and I haven't been talking for weeks. I feel so bad about it. Oh, Phil ...

Well, how can she explain that he thinks that I am his faithful and obedient wife for him, but every night that we spend together turns into rape for me. I hate him for it, he disgusts me, but in my heart I understand that my father does not deserve it.

“Damn, I knew that,” said Charlene. - This freak did something to you, right? Did he hurt you?

Taking me by the hand, she demanded:

- Say, Debra, tell me how I can help you!

“No, it's not like that,” I protested, no matter how painful I was, he was my father, and he didn’t even think that he was doing something wrong.

“I just, uh, can't do this anymore.” Fucking, blowjob and, in general, a complete alignment. Maybe at first it is not bad, but now I feel only shame and disgust.

“Oh, honey, I'm so sorry,” she nodded. - I've always been afraid of this. Terribly wanted to make a mistake. But now I see that I was right.

- What are you talking about? I asked, cursing tears to myself.

Charlene sighed.Moving even closer, she hugged me by the shoulders, and feeling clearly out of place.

“I know where it all comes from.” I thought about it many times, but until last year never seriously.

“I ... I do not understand you,” she clearly did not enter my problem, but without telling the whole story, it was impossible to direct her to the right path.

“Deb, honey, let me finish.” I know you don't want to hear that. But have to. The truth is the only way to help you, - taking a deep breath, Charlene said, - Deb, dear, you are a lesbian.

I must have eyes on my forehead because she squeezed my hand before continuing:

“I felt that a long time ago, but I opened you when you threw Gwen out of the house.”

- What are you talking about? - mother was definitely not a lesbian, and I felt the need to protect her; in spite of all our quarrels, I could not afford to slander it.

- Deb, listen to me until the end. You are not angry that Gwen was a lesbian, REALLY you are enraged by the fact that, she openly declares herself what she is, and you have to hide your true nature. I understand that it sounds like some kind of psychoanalytic crap, but it is, - looking into my eyes, she finished, - You have been fighting with yourself since we met. You constantly try to deny it - you have a husband, two children, like any normal heterosexual woman.

It actually sounded like psychoanalytic crap. However, a tiny part of me thought, and if she was right.

- Shar ... - what could I tell her?

Even if she is not mistaken about her mother, she can be right about me. Trapped in the female body, becoming a prisoner of female hormones and emotions, I, nevertheless, remained a one hundred percent man, one hundred percent Karl. Mentally returning a couple of months ago, I realized that the only pleasant sexual experience was April, the saleswoman from the sex shop. What if I'm forever locked in my mother's body? And if I can't bring myself to enjoy sex with a man, what remains for me?

Barely remembering how good I was then, I wanted to try something like that again. For good luck, I leaned over and kissed Charlene on the lips. She was obviously surprised, but soon gave up just as passionately answered my kiss.

“Mmm, how nice,” I whispered, pulling away from her. - I ... I want you, Shar. I need you.

With my face red at the same time from shame and excitement, I pulled off my sweater, hoping I understood it correctly.

“No, Deb, we can't,” she shook her head, I saw some tears hanging on her eyelashes. - We are friends, I can not take advantage of this.

“Please, Shar,” I grabbed her hands before she could leave and smiled. - You have not used anything, believe me ... I will say that I love you, not now, but I feel that I have no one closer to you.

Oddly enough, but - it's true.

- I want this, but only if you want the same.

“Damn, I really want this,” she sighed. “But I wish you would hate me tomorrow.” I need a friend more than a lover.

“Shh, Shar,” I kissed her again and promised. - We can play both roles.

Charlene still hesitated, but when I took her hand and put it to my chest, I finally gave up.

- O-oh, how that a-a-ak waited for this for a long time, - she moaned ... Read more →