What does understanding mean ??

And what does not understand ???

Does anyone understand you ???

And so questions grow with each question more and more.

That's why I start writing again and again.

The street is deserted, why is it chilly. Alcohol in the blood. Thoughts are confused. Everything is bad.

Why it happens when everything is bad, it gets worse.

- Give me a smoke! - someone touches his shoulder ... I turn and get in the face.

- Bastard! - I scream, and here it begins.

I come to my senses, after a sufficient long time ... Damn, why is it so cold.

I try to rise, from the frozen ground ... And I fall again, a sharp pain obscures the mind. Stupidly I look ... Down and there ...

Gradually get out of the SNA ... Horror.

My legs are numb and I do not understand where I am, oh my God, I am at home - this is good.

The bad thing is that I'm alone in an empty room. I go to the kitchen.

So it is already written, it is already read, and so every day. Every day does not change anything.

Why is it, why is this endless run, the run of a squirrel in the endless wheel of being. Although it may end. The beginning is what is the end. The end, I tell myself, Shhhh.

Creeping crawling out and again tormented by incomprehensible desires and memories.

It only seems that you decide questions to the answers you have given and again you fall into the bottomless darkness of misunderstanding. And so day after day. Again the radio is mumbling, the kettle is boiling again, again.

I chew, absorb food and forget again, stupidity, dullness and absurdity with every minute more and more absorbs my mind. Again, I pull myself out, like Mün-Hausen for that very hair from the swamp (or rather, for the boots of my wonderful moccasins), for that very last and only hope.

Again, just thinking about what, I'm trying to forget every minute. Something that drives me back to the bathroom where he is waiting for me, or to a warm bed. I know he is near and only watches me, he will probably mock again. Will make me do those obscenities ... It's him. Who is he? But he, as always, remains within the framework of my misunderstanding.

Maybe this is my brain that has suffered and invented some kind of something, a fabulous creature ...

I grin and he smirks at me ... But I know he is here ... Yes, maybe this is the clinic and any psychiatrist will give me a proper diagnosis, but I know that he will not understand.

I remember how about a drunken shop, I argued with a friend. Rather, he did not believe Me that there are such beings in the world. BUT they are.

- Fuck you, maniac unfinished! - having said this, he again began such an appetizing snack.

- No, he is, do you want him to come to you?

- I want to let it come!

- I'll ask him ...

- Ask for tomorrow and laugh ... - he looked at me as if he was mentally ill.

But the next day it was no laughing matter, my best friend bludgeoned me like that ...

“If you do this with me again, I will bury you in the asshole of the earth!”

We have to think about it and we broke up, I didn’t even try to remind you that we were going to laugh about it. Laughter did not work.

The lines are almost like a drug addict with a lot of experience. What to do, I'm completely confused.

Here comes the new day, the old has gone into the void, sorry. I look into the emptiness of my soul. There's nothing there. It's all over, never started ...

How it all began ... Yes, I remember, this sunny day, this riot of colors and an unspeakable number of new smells, probably it was the first Spring, when it seemed to me that the world is beautiful and there is nothing better. Having walked, having played football, I went home. Climbed into the bathroom ... and then it began.

I stood under the shower, pleasant trickles of warm water slid over the body ...

A phrase suddenly sounded in the brain ...

- Do you want to have fun? - I was just puzzled, as if I had never talked to myself before. I looked around checked the door looked out into the corridor, but no, I like one. Again climbed into the bathroom.

- Well, that you jump, I'm here and you want pleasure? - I started, but for some reason I was not scared.

“I want to,” I said out loud, and it became funny to me, I thought about the hell.

- No, I didn’t get it, take your pi and put your skin under the water jet.

- Please, - having done this, I somehow doubted pleasure, because I often wash

And almost no pleasure whatsoever. A few seconds passed, and the stream of warm water began to pleasantly tickle my pi, she began to straighten up in front of hardening eyes. It became more and more pleasant. I always thought it was some kind of spinal column that comes out when I really want to write, but I was wrong. I didn’t want to write and it was so nice.

- Well, and how are you? The unknown voice asked again.

“Yes, it's nice,” I thought, and completely broke off. Every second it became more and more pleasant.

“This is generally not a bone, and not a spine,” said a voice.

- Why?

“Then you will know now that’s no use.”

- Do you want me to caress you?

- Yes.

At first I regretted that I agreed, there was a feeling that a jellyfish had touched the body. Burning, slippery incomprehensibility, constantly changing sensations from heat to cold. My disgusting pi responded to this and cringed, the pleasure passed, it became chilly and somehow unpleasant.

- Sorry, I'm carried away now everything will be different.

- You see a scoop for garbage, take off the handle.

I took off the handle and looked blankly at the plastic knob with a thickening at the end. And what should I do with him ??

- Come again, poke your pi under a stream of water.

I was interested and so incomprehensible, again my "pi" straightened up, again the body began to be filled with pleasant sensations.

“What does your pi look like, this scoop pen.”

- Yes, it looks like - I was surprised, of course, it looks strange, I have never before compared anything to my pi

- Let it be my “pi”

“Let it be,” I thought interestingly.

- Now take the cream and spread your finger, stick it in the ass, push it there.

New sensations made me arch a little.

- And now let my "pi" penetrate your ass, do not be afraid ...

- What for?

- Well, you only insert carefully.

I hardly put such a thick hand in my ass, I was a little painful and scary, but I suddenly couldn’t take it out.

- Take out no fear.

I had to bend in half to do this execution.

- And now stand up.

I obediently straightened up and then I felt how pleasant warmth ran from somewhere in the middle of my stomach and filled me with everything.

- ah

- You see it is nice for you.

- Yes

- And now I can touch you, and you move the skin on your pi, and move my pi in a bit in your ass, which would be nice to me.

I was a little uncomfortable, but the flow of feelings that captured me was completely bewitched.

I moved his “pi” in me and moved my skin on my own and the pleasant warmth flared up with incredible strength, my “pi” was pleasantly tickled by unknown sensations.

- Are you pleased? - I asked mentally.

- Yes, I will caress you now.

- Come on, - I do not know, but I decided to take a chance if he makes me so pleased then I really have to be patient.

I was again wrapped around the slimy fibers, the warmth of the cold ... I felt how my hand, occupied with a scoop, gently pushed away past my will.

“You're my forever now,” a voice says.

- Yes, I am yours, yours, just do not stop doing it, I am pleased

I felt that I was being turned, I put my hands on the wall, out of the corner of my eye I noticed through the foggy curtain of steam that someone had grabbed me from the back. I no longer touched my pi, he touched him. And his "pi" independently moved in me ...

- Mammma, mom! - I shouted, the flow of surging feelings was just incredible.

Then there was some kind of explosion in the body, my body shook from the priests and his “pi” fell out, and fell into the bathroom, it was all in kakah.

- Take it in your mouth

Strange, then I was as if somewhere so far away from everything that was happening ... I took this soiled plastic and put it in my mouth. It seemed to me that my head was in the body of a jellyfish because something just enveloped me, my whole body was pounding and it was as if I had been thrown naked into a haystack. Feelings began to get lost. And then it all ended abruptly.

I felt the smell of my own shit their nasty taste, I did not understand what I did,

I felt bad, I began to feel sick, my whole dinner began to spurt out of me.

With every second it got worse and worse, my legs were shaking shaking, my body was throwing up everything that was there, it smelled of vomit, to crown, I crap. And here I stood as a punished puppy for my own fault in my own vomit and fikaliyah.

I washed and cleaned everything, I was afraid that at least someone would notice what happened here.

I went to bed, burst into the pillow, burst into tears, I smelled foul of me, even though I exhausted myself a whole lot of shampoo, I cleaned my teeth fifteen times ...

I thought that there was never never, it would not happen again, I would not let him go to my consciousness again ...

But a day later it all happened again, why ...

He always found an excuse for himself, then they beat me ...

And He, - You see, it’s bad that it’s not worse ...

Or, - You have a deuce again today, let's forget, eh?

He always found something ...

I even began to learn better, that he would not give a reason. But I lost every time.

- Who are you asking me?

“You know,” he says.

- So you mean, HE, - and it becomes very scary to me, and I understand that again I can’t do anything.

This is how We live together. I and he. Although time has since passed a lot.

I was not saved by travels or a change of accommodation or a business trip, he was always there.

He is now near.

Help me please.

Someone rustled behind his back.

I turned and saw something that had never been seen before ... He was no longer ephemeral.

- This is a gift for you, let's go and show you what could be easier ...

And I, like an enchanted one, followed him.

Tim