This story began with the fact that we needed a small TV in the kitchen. The stores turned out to be a little expensive, and my wife and I decided to look for free ads in newspapers. About a week later I found a suitable option, phoned the hostess and went to buy.

I found her house, but there was a combination lock on the door, she forgot to say about him. There is nothing to do, I wait when anyone comes into the porch, and to pass the time I bought a jar of gin and tonic. Twenty minutes later, when the gin was already over, and I even managed to smoke, an old woman came into the entrance - the path was open.

The fifth floor, an armored door without a number, calling, opens a pretty creature, about twenty-five, slender, in a gentle robe, smacks his eyes on me:

- Are you on an ad?

“Yes, about the TV,” I mentally lick at her.

- Come on, he's in the kitchen.

I follow her, consider chiseled legs and ass covered with a short robe. Well, while there is a deal, I try to ward off sinful thoughts from myself. In the other room, two babies rustle, seven and two years old, as I found out later. The hostess rumbles incessantly: describes how good this TV is, and that she and her husband would not have sold it, but they are moving and getting rid of excess junk. I silently twist the settings, everything seems to be in order, you can take it, give it back the money. At this moment in the other room a two-year-old daughter burst into tears and the hostess ran to check what happened there. I put the telly in the bag and went to the hallway, put on the shoes and sat down to tie the laces. Immediately instinctively looked up to see what happened to them, and in front of me is fantastic, for those who understand, of course, the picture: my mistress bends over me, changes the little one, and her robe lifted up so that all the charms are literally visible, and two meters from my nose! It was the longest lace string in my life! And when I still managed to cope with them blindly, I realized that getting up from a squatting position in such a form ... Trousers in their pants were an army tent! I got up as a weightlifter, right from the floor raised in front of me a package with a TV set. I said goodbye, I shoved my business card to her just in case, you never know what, and retired.

Flush home, set the telly, and before my eyes, that same spectacle, and even the fantasy was played out childishly, different pictures float one another, more simply death! Lada, I think, now I drive for a beer, pour in the ardor and heat of the inflamed imagination, drove off, picked up a good one and a half at once - so pour in, sit, drink. I feel it does not help, and even somehow it gets worse, and the pictures went depraved, and the determination increased. Well, try not to torture, try to pick it up! He began to search the newspaper with her phone, rummaged a heap, but found it. Now we need the right tactics, the beast seems wild, married, and even with two tails is small is less, would not scare off! He sipped a beer, picked up, took the pipe from the sixth ring, I thought it was that she was no longer at home.

- Hello, - I say as much as possible velvety, and friendly tone.

“Hello,” he says, much more frightened.

“I bought a TV from you today,” he said.

- Oh! Yes? And what's wrong with him? - even more frightened.

“No, with him, that's just all right,” I reassure before the offensive, “I'm not okay a little.”

- ???, - silence, only breathing, apparently intensely thinking about how I loaded it.

I pause, quietly moan, as if I can not collect my thoughts, and then to attack:

- You know, if my call sounds like impudence on my part, then you just do not answer, but hang up ...

Pause - it means not hang, curiosity, you know ...

- When I entered your apartment today, you may remember, just dumbfounded, I even lost the gift of speech for a few seconds, and you probably noticed it yourself. This is all because of you, so I liked you, that I even forgot about the TV.

- Yes-ah-ah!, - now it's her turn to be stupid :-), come on - come on, move what you have! Well, I think, if it does not break now, you can hope for the success of the company!

And then I almost fell off the couch! It will shake like a good machine gun:

- Oh, you know, I really liked you, and when they left, I regretted straight to tears that I didn’t talk to you, it’s all Olka, I had to blow myself at that moment! I just thought about you, but then the call, I thought that something with the TV, was frightened, and you, so cool!

I am silent, since such a scenario, tactics must be changed:

- Let's meet? - I ask, - but I am at work now, I can not speak.

- Of course, let's, tomorrow?

- Why not! - I answer, but I myself think where to get an apartment, if it continues like this fast ...

- Well then, see you tomorrow!

- Until!

The next day, phoned all friends, empty! Nobody gives an apartment even for a couple of hours, well, I think it was not! The fact is that the wife was on a business trip then, and came in two days, but I have a principle: don't live where you live, and don't live where you work, so it would be hard to decide, especially at any moment someone could drag, mother-in-law eg. Yes, and this cute girl show where I live, as it is dumb. Well, nothing, I will fly that apartment familiar. I looked around the rooms, dirt, such as my business cards, which were lying around the whole apartment, or the same passport, put it away, put it in the closet, calling:

- Hello!

- Oh hi!

- And we have not met ...

- I have your business card, you are Stas, and I am Ira.

- Very nice, and now come on you ?.

- And me, come on.

- Well, our meeting is not canceled?

- No, what are you, only you tell me where, and I will come, we will walk in the public garden, however, I have no more than two hours to have children ...

Darn! I bring a marafet here like a Cinderella, even washed the dishes, and she - “in the public garden” ... No, I will try to put the dog on:

“Er, and this will not be immodest, if I ask you, it's cold outside, you can go sit down with my friend,” he threw the line and clarified that he would not be at home.

- Oh, I do not know th-th ... This is probably uncomfortable ...

Opanki! Has led! I will dear you, I will breed:

- Come on, everything is convenient, and he has only one set of keys and he will be with us.

- You know, I understand why you call me there, of course, we are adults, but ... I promise you nothing ...

Here are the times! She understand! And yet you would have promised on the phone! Nothing, get me in only four walls! But you still need to calm down:

- What do you mean! Of course not, just cold and wind outside ...

- And what if you're not alone there, I heard such stories ...

“For whom do you take me!” I exclaim with righteous anger, (so I will be sharing with someone for the first time, and then, I think, we'll see).

- Well, where will we meet?

“I’ll meet you at the bus stop, well, bye for now,” I cut her off, it's done, and there's nothing to ruffle.

“See you tomorrow,” she coos slightly playfully.

Tomorrow I packed beer, shampoo a bottle, washed glasses and glasses, changed the sheets, took a shower, in general, I am READY!

I come to a stop, cold, fierce, it is not. Pancake! Yes, at least one rose is necessary! I am to the market, thank the creator, there is! I went back - I looked: it was. I myself am a courtesy, a rose for her from behind, a little demonic squint, look only at the eyes, do not wipe my nose, do not pick my ears. She is modest, stews, goes after me like a sheep at the spell, a little behind and to the side ....