In this situation, there is nothing particularly new. Moreover, some individuals are quite satisfied with this situation. Try to imagine: a young man sitting at night, alone with a computer and his own loneliness, with a complete lack of desire to sleep, and the bed causes a feeling more like disgust (that is, in no way attracts). Submitted? Then read on.

Quietly (I just want to say “intimate”, but it doesn’t sound where the most notorious loneliness was registered) music plays, a glass next to it, the contents of which are called brandy, and it decreases with speed inversely proportional to the speed of this creation. In general, brandy is a lot of functional. That is, it helps almost everything. Like: from cold (at least 50 grams), from insomnia (at least 100 grams), from impotence of psychological origin (the dose is purely individual) and from melancholia and its subspecies (from a bottle and more, depending on the origin of this melancholia). Well, if the cause of melancholy is a bed (I must say, I returned to it again), reminding: a) of loneliness; b) time of day; c) and that during the whole weekend no changes in the number of people settled on it are foreseen; The dose of brandy should be so high ... Personally, I do not have much money. True, I can drink so much cognac in the state. But only cognac. And generally speaking? What is a bed? That is the question! I open the Soviet encyclopedic dictionary and ... I do not find it. The bed ... is the same. How little, it turns out, attention is paid to this very serious issue! And in vain. After all, it is on the bed (or in the bed) that we spend almost a third of our life. Under the bed is much smaller and not all of us. On the bed we were conceived, but not all of us. And a huge part of the memories is connected with the bed, in one form or another (sofa, armchair, car seat and other bed and okolovatnye derivatives). And from this huge part, only a small part has a sexual coloring. So what happens is that Freud was wrong? No, he was right, sex is really the driving force of life. And the bed is just its manifestation, designed to give comfort to the process itself. Although ... Some couples are very surprised when they find out that the bed is suitable not only for sleeping, reading and breakfast. Practically, we are all fans of group sex, the third is a bed that accepts the opposite gender of the owner. She falls in love and can be a faithful companion all her life and not pay attention to your exercises with a friend (friend), can be frigid and squeal with displeasure at the most inappropriate moments, can immediately hate you (hello insomnia), and can be wildly jealous. The saddest thing is the jealousy of the bed. By myself I know. My current bed was very jealous of my wife (former). To disgrace. Even when we first met, she immediately showed it in the loudest way. Well, and again: imagine the situation: the parents left for three days, an intimate dinner, light wine, candles flicker ... Have they presented it again? Ok, then read again ...

The girl is nervous ... and innocent ... (well, very afraid!). And from the table the action flows onto the bed (I never get rid of the word bed). Light kisses on the lips alternated with assurances of love ... Kisses are deeper and longer ... A rather unexpected dialogue (more like a monologue) on the topic: will you be loving me after that? ... (how young we were), neck , ears ... everything is healed ... and the first stage has been passed, the blouse slips down from gentle shoulders and flies into the twilight, the bra ...

- No, wait, not so fast, I'm scared! ...

- Well, well, can I kiss a navel? ...

- you can ... oh ... ticklish!

- and so? ...

- so ... nooo ...

bra (what's the lock?) does not want to unfasten ... yeah, we send a flight around the room, and she watches him with a sad look ...

- what is your chest beautiful ... just beautiful...

- small!...

- just right...

- small!..

- chest should be placed in the palm of your hand ...

- in whose? ...

- in mine, in your palm will not fit ... see? ...

- No, I feel ... is this all that can be done with the breast? ...

- No, you can still this ... what? ...

- still...

- what else?...

- you are welcome...

the ore is really adorable ... but in our eyes no sadness can be seen, we descend below ... below ... so ... skirt, zipper ...

- heck!...

- what?...

- zipper jammed! ...

- it is necessary not so ...

- but as? as if I take her off every day ... but I would like to ...

- can you hate me in a week and in vain learn to unzip your zipper ... just like that! ... leave the panties !!! ...

- why? ...

- because ... I'm afraid ...

- do not be afraid, I'll kiss you ...

- where? ...

- here ... and here ... and here ...

- mmmm ... can they be better removed? ...

- what for?...

- in my opinion they bother you ...

- there is a little ... now ...

With a wave of the hand, the panties fly away ... and then there is a roar, raising a cloud of dust (the origin of which is shrouded in obscurity) the bed sags ...

Well, then, as usual, the girl in hysterics runs around the room in search of clothes, accusing me of all mortal (and not only) sins, and runs away (with a cry: do not accompany me !!!), all in tears ...

Sad is not it? Are you interested in what's up with the bed? Yes, nothing special, factory defect, screws are not screwed, and hammered. And glue regretted (in those places where it is needed). After all this, during the month I could not persuade her to meet with me, at least in neutral territory. And he was worried about his father's mockery, who innocently asked him: what did he have to do in the new bed so that she would fall apart. Well, the fact that mom found the panties on the bookshelf (she decided to wipe off the dust) is the little things in life ... The bed turned out to be terribly jealous. And then this jealousy manifested itself more than once ... and not twice ... All the year and a half of happy (and not so) married life she (the bed), once a month (or even more often) showed her jealous temper in every possible way. That, at the most interesting moment, knocks her (wife) on the head with some hard part, then, just at that time when silence is needed, she begins to sneak mockingly (she collapses), then she will hide the urgently needed part of the clothes, I'm talking about the number of condoms (and used, too) stolen by her (bed) ... So, you need to be careful with the beds, not this ... try to imagine, but, alas, without me.

Moscow, November 10, 1999. 1:22