I testify as an eyewitness: discussions about whether homosexuals should be or not to be in our army began long before the collapse of the Soviet Union. True, these discussions were held in an unusual form ... It was in a small Muslim country, where a lot of Soviet officers were hanging out permanently. Don't ask what we did there. We performed the “international debt”, without particularly delving into: who owed whom and how much exactly?

In Muslim countries, it is very boring for a Russian person when they are not bombed or shot. However, our officers skillfully disperse boredom with vodka, and after the third glass the tragic officer games begin: “freckle”, “cuckoo”, “cigarette”, “tiger came” - I will not dwell on them in detail, sparing the nerves and morality of the readers. However, there, where fate threw us, it was hard to use the old recipes of the Russian officers: evil people passed a dry law in this country. It was difficult to drive moonshine because the local police caught the moonshiners, but how much joy there was when Migi-25 arrived !!! We called these machines “grocery stores”, because only one plane could “blow out” a few hundred liters of alcohol ...

Unfortunately, they flew to us rarely, and the “drinks” were drunk quickly, so the anguish nagged us mercilessly. The saddest thing was no women. That is, families came to some of our officers - to those who had them. And what could we, the bachelors, do? There would be no way for the Ministry of Defense to send us a battalion of secretaries or signalers to help the battalion ... Where are there! Did the generals remember how they themselves were lieutenants!

So we just had to stare at the veiled Muslim women and poke fun at each other.

From this, in fact, it all began. When many men live together for a long time - jokes on the “blue” theme are sure to start - everyone’s concerned, and even for many months (when we take a colleague on vacation to the Union, we usually admonished him: “You will be the first time to fuck with“ chick ”- say, it’s supposedly I’m not the only one I’m fucking all the guys left in a faraway Muslim country ”). From time to time we were “making fun” - we had parties with dances, where the lot was used to determine who to be “aunts” - and we laughed at these dances in such a way that the hotel administration resorted: find out what happened.

And somehow the comic "blue" song was born:

I alone sit in my apartment, I’m torn in my vest, I don’t know what happened in this world, I only know that Nashka will come to me.

We will first watch TV with her, “Shvarknem” in a bottle of “Stolichnaya”, I will play the guitar a bit, And we will feel ourselves perfectly.

And then, howling from enjoyment, I spread my velvet thighs, And thrill into anxious excitement Under my body white Nashki.

And how long will this go on, I know, and technician Uncle Vasya. I call him my Natasha, Because we are both homosexuals with him!

Perhaps the song and coarse. Maybe. But we loved to sing her in chorus at our parties. The evil fate determined me to be a soloist, since I knew how to strum a little on the guitar. And once someone took and recorded a song on a tape recorder, and this recording went for a walk around the whole contingent. And she came to the political officer. Our zampolit was ... commander and general. Knowledgeable people understand what it is. It is dark. Full. Because the deputy politician, having reached the general, automatically raises all his political political "dignity" in the square. And even in the cube.

One day, our general-commander calls me to his “carpet”. I, worried, go, I think feverishly, what I have done, but I can not remember anything.

I go to the office. At the head of the table is a political officer, on each side there are five colonels. All faces are as if just the next general secretary died.And they all look at the tape cassette player, which stands in the center of the table.

He presses the political officer on a button, my cheerful voice, singing “Nat”, comes out of the tape recorder ...

We silently, as at a funeral, listened to her to the end. Zapolit fatherly switched to "you" and asked:

- Your creativity?

- Mine, comrade general? - I answered honestly, while still not feeling a special guilt: well, they laughed, joked ... But the sad faces of the colonels were embarrassed ...

- How long have you been doing this? - with the participation in the voice asked the general.

“About two months, comrade general,” I said, thinking that this was a chanting ...

“Eh, son,” the general approached me and put his hand on his shoulder. Son? We understand how hard it is without women. We understand. But fucking his fellow officers ... (Here, as you understand, the general used different words) This is a shame. It is wrong, son. It is impossible It is better to drink an extra glass of alcohol ...

- And where can I get it, alcohol? - I mechanically replied, for slowly I began to be stunned, realizing that they turned out to be a "blue" for me?

- Son! - metal appeared in the voice of the political officer. - You are here for us! Don't! Stop it before it's too late, otherwise it will be too late! I was already “honked,” so you tell everyone, your entire company, to stop it! And we will follow! And if we catch - we will punish mercilessly! Go out of my sight, and you understand me! And if it becomes difficult - it is better to come to us in the political department. We will help, talk ...

I left the political department on stiff legs, and on them I walked to the hotel, where the fraternity waited for me.

Darkly looking at the company, I said sternly:

- I demand the issuance of an HZ to me (we always had a bottle hidden just in case) as a victim of sexual repression. I’ve just been commanded to recognize me as a homosexual ...

What started here! Colleagues had fun with might and main, but, laughing, we got angry. The ideas of “gays” were alien to us, but under the circumstances we could not remain indifferent. The political department has nothing to do, they decided to catch the "homosexuals" among us? The political department will get "homosexuals"! A real persecution began on the political officer. Wherever one of our company met him, the game in “blue” was sure to start.

Young officers strolled around the political department, clutching their little fingers or gently holding each other by the elbow ... They say he wrote a report to the Chief Military Adviser about the strange mindsets of junior officers. The chief, allegedly, did not accept the report, saying to the political officer in a simple way: “Catch someone for the ass first, and then we'll figure it out.” The main man was nothing, though, like all the generals, a little "come round."

"Catch the ass" Zampolit anyone, naturally, could not, until we finally had mercy on the old man.

We had two of the most "evil fagot" - Lieutenants Vanya and Pasha. Both of these lieutenants of the commander were not afraid, in principle, because Pasha was a general of the General Staff, and Pope, though he was a colonel, was one who had “generals crying like children in his office”. So Vanya and Pasha decided to arrange a holiday for our political officer. Vanya just flew to the Union to marry - to relax for a couple of weeks. He returned through Vienna and bought a hefty plastic dick in the sex shop there. Arriving in his native garrison, Vanya revealed his plan ...

It was already getting dark when the general-political leader spotted two embraced figures at the club. With the grace of a contused crab, the worker of the political front began to sneak up to the lovers. Pasha and Vanya, in the heat of passion, did not notice anything, they moaned with lust and timidly stroked each other ...

Finally, Pasha unbuttoned Vanya’s pants, and the shocked political officer saw a Soviet officer gently kiss the penis of another Soviet officer! The stage set was strong, I testify as an eyewitness, because we saw this whole picture with our own eyes, lying on the roof of the hotel and biting our fists so as not to howl with delight ...

Zampolit jumped like a tiger.Apparently, only one thought flashed through his mind: “Stop it !!!” What he tried to do was grab the kissable member with his hand. To the fact that a member can remain in his hand, freely jumping out of the pants, the old man was clearly not ready. The general shouted from horror and surprise, raised its plastic member high, like a banner, and ran away from the “blue” ones, throwing up its knees ...

I did not see the final, because I was hiccupping, lying on my back, and with anxiety I thought: would I die from laughter? But eyewitnesses later said that the political commander had hit his head on the Chief Military Adviser, who began yelling at him at the entire quiet Muslim quarter:

- What are you, 6lya, with x ... m in hand running around the city ?! Completely mad or drank? How do you disgrace the generals? ... And so on and so forth.

The main one was cool and very cool. One colonel - by golly, I'm not lying - he worked it right in his pants, when the Chief started yelling at him ... Such are the cakes. Not for the swarm, as they say, a hole to another ... Zapolit then otpavali heart drops. Vanya and Pasha, of course, flew a little for order, but purely arbitrary, because official penalties for “fictitious oral sexual intercourse that led to grave consequences and almost ended with the death of a serviceman,” agree that this would be too much. ..

In the evening, we celebrated "the triumph of blue ideas over red." Raising a glass of contraband gin, Vanya suddenly became serious and said a toast:

- I never thought that I would offer a drink for the "blue" ones - in all seriousness. I raise a glass for them, relatives, and their hard fate. I've never laughed like this before. This is not forgotten. Thank you "blue" for the fact that they themselves, not knowing about it, brought us so much joy far from the homeland ...

We drank, ate, drank again, and after half an hour from the windows of our hotel a bulky, indecent “Natashka” burst into the sultry Muslim night ...