Chapter 9. SYMPTOMSParis, 19 ... I am not able to resist this terrible, wild desire to undress in front of men, whom I often do not know at all.

When I'm alone, I tear off my clothes from my body, usually in front of a mirror, and voluptuously admire my naked body. And I often arrange this when one of my servants should enter the room. Experiencing a feeling close to orgasm, when you see the expression on his face. When this strange desire overpowers me in the presence of a critic, artist or writer, I pretend that I feel bad, or I explain that my new dance can only be demonstrated in the nude, and then I begin to tear off my clothes. The poor spectator mumbles something, fearing that he would be accused of attempted rape, and leaves as soon as possible. * * * Recently, I visited four art studios on the same day and offered myself as a model. This is incredibly sensual pleasure when you undress before the eyes of artists who are carnivorously devour your voluptuous body with their eyes! But a particularly keen sensation is given by the undressing ceremony itself. And I really do not know what is more impressive: when it is expected or when I suddenly give way to emotions and, shocking, I amaze anyone who has to be with me at that moment. * * * Today I visited a man and allowed him to admire my body, but he didn’t even realize that this was my greatest desire. It is about the famous doctor Miglio. Shortly before that, I met him in the same company, and since I liked him, I decided to fool him so that he could schedule me to meet as a patient. Milo is a tall, strong man, with something of a strong peasant. And I was not mistaken:

his erotic power, his ability to produce offspring, and the tool for this is simply gigantic, are immediately apparent.

Entering his office, I immediately undressed. He immediately understood what was bothering me. In his rich practice, he probably met many women with complexes and mania. I was tormented by the thought that I would fall into the hell of unfulfilled desires that many women experience, over the years, alas, not becoming younger.

“This is only a functional disorder, dear, just nervousness,” he said, examining me. - You need to calm down. Do you want me to prescribe a sleeping pill?

“Doctor, I need a more effective medicine than sleeping pills.” Anything that can exhaust, and not just help you fall asleep. I want to calm my nerves, - I replied, meaningfully smiling.

- Well, madam, we will try a small massage of the most important nerve centers. When you reach your desired relaxation, tell me. Please lie down on the couch and close your eyes.

I had to follow his instructions. My body was completely naked, except for thin patterned stockings, belts and black high-heeled shoes. I stretched out on the couch and waited, what will happen next.

“It would be better if I tie your eyes, madame, so that you do not see anything and completely relax.” “And the doctor tied a black handkerchief on my face.”

“I will slowly stroke your skin because I want to awaken hidden magnetism.”

His light stroking made me nervous. I protested:

- But I do not feel anything - oh, this is a little bit better.

And indeed, the almost intangible light touches were replaced by more energetic.

“I’ll get to the root cause of your concern now, dear, do not be afraid.” It will be very useful for you, it will not hurt. Maybe there is no need to use a probe. Millo finally groped for the place that really needed good treatment.

- If it is necessary, doctor, please use it. I totally believe in your abilities. Aaaaaa ... it’s like a complete liberation ... yes ... still ... deeper ... yes, this is very useful for me ... stronger ... yes ... and faster ... wonderful!

My good Samaritan deeply penetrated the cave with his finger. Before that, he had been trampling for a long time at the entrance, which led me to an incredible excitement.

With the other hand, the famous neuropathologist caressed my quickly swelling breasts.

- Probably still have to enter the probe. He always gives great results. Or do you think that massage is enough for today?

It was completely contrary to my expectations, but I didn’t want to show myself.

“I leave it up to you, doctor.” I just want to get rid of this terrible insomnia. By the way, here it is a little itchy ... right here, see? Yes, oh! ... - the place I showed with my hand was just between my legs.

- Well, in this case, I had better enter ... - and I immediately felt the instrument he mentioned, this probe. It seemed to be covered with a velvet membrane and resembled a heavy stick. And now this wonderful device slowly and carefully climbed into my wide open crevice. I had to push my hips.

“As high and as wide as possible, madam, yes, yes, now also.” This is a good posture. Hold your legs with your hands.

The probe, which looked more like an excellent, strong penis, penetrated deep into my flesh. For a while he remained motionless, only a slight pulsation indicated that he was still there. Then he began to get out very slowly. I could no longer bear it and screamed:

- Stop! Please do not take it out!

He climbed slowly again, then the procedure repeated again and again. Finally he began to walk back and forth and caused such voluptuous joy that I soon lost my composure.

- Doctor, massage stronger and faster ... stronger ... I want it ... you know what kind of massage a woman wants ... you are a doctor ... it doesn't hurt me ... yes, so, so! So good ... yes ... yes ... I will come for treatment ... Doctor, you are an angel ... so strong and heavy ... even deeper ... I feel this probe ... make me it hurts them ... You have to massage me every day ... otherwise I can't bear it ... I start to feel ... aaaaa ... now ... I finish!

I literally squealed, shuddering in sweet convulsions, and the next moment my strength left me.

After a short rest, I tried to raise my head, but everything was immersed in darkness. I trembled with horror.

- Now you can remove the bandage, madam. Are you feeling better?

I completely recovered. The great sage Dr. Miglio stood before me, smiling, as if not noticing my nudity.

“I usually take 50 francs, madam, but not from you, the great actress loved by all of us.”

With that, Dr. Millo walked me to the door. Madrid 19 ... I have always believed that there is not a single city in the world that could compare with Paris, especially in terms of carnal pleasure. But soon I had to admit that on the Spree River these things were even more sinful and low than on the Seine.

I really wanted to visit one infamous place in the center of Berlin - somewhere in the Potsdamer Platz district. And one day a reporter, a good friend of mine, brought me there. It was one of the dance halls. He explained that people of the same sex gather here.

- Do you want to say - only men? Ordinary homosexuals?

- No, both sexes, homosexuals and lesbians are found here, but what is interesting is that a third one is formed here, a species that is located to both. And this is true, not just a staging for tourists, as it happens in Paris: you are offered a 12-year-old girl, although everyone in this business has known that she is at least 20 years old. However, you yourself can see this.

When we entered a dimly lit room filled with tables and sofas, we were met by a terrible noise. Having become accustomed to heavy tobacco smoke, I saw one that could be qualified as a real orgy.

All the tables were occupied. I noticed a lot of tall and slender beautiful women, but my guide said that they were men. And when the Spanish dancer, a flexible girl with gorgeous legs and bare back, began to dance to the click of her castanets, I could not believe that this beautiful creature was in fact a man.

- Alex, come here and show the lady that you are really a man! - shamelessly shouted my friend.

The little beauty approached our table and, smiling, stood before us in the pose of the graceful and inimitable Carmen.

- Are you surprised, madam? Well, I will try to dispel your doubts. - With these words, the beauty raised her skirt, and between graceful hips I saw something that can be seen only in a man.

No one paid attention to it. They are all accustomed to different visitors. I had nothing against, feeling at ease. At the next table were two brightly painted blondes with bushy busts and muscular legs. They kissed, one put her hand under the skirt of the other, and both, apparently, it was a tremendous pleasure.

Peculiar atmosphere! Here everything is really mixed up. Now I watched another couple, or rather, a trinity, since they were two women and

one man. Ignoring the crowded hall, they entwined themselves in passionate embraces. However, nobody looked at them, except me ...

Two girls sat down at our table and with great zeal took up my breasts, then my hips, and finally, what was between them. I have to admit, they gave me a pretty lively idea of ​​lesbian love. But I asked to introduce me to their friend, whom I have already looked after. It was a singer and dancer, he had a very beautiful body. And when he performed several dances gracefully and artistically, a feeling of professional envy leaped in me as an artist.

But most of all I was worried about his hidden charms, which I sometimes could see. When this young man in women's clothes was spinning in a dance, his short silk skirt fluttered, making me freeze from my secret desire to possess this treasure ...

The pleasure that this beautifully equipped man gave me on that unique night will forever remain in my memory. Note on chapters 7, 8 and 9

Mata Hari really gained great fame as a dancer. True, the famous Isadora Duncan called her. To which Mata Hari replied:

The next chapter of the diary was written by the artist during the critical period of her life, during the First World War, which ended so tragically for her. It is noteworthy that Mata Hari, who described in detail the important events for her, this time was limited to fragmentary records. Perhaps this is not her fault. It is not excluded that the French authorities of that period after her arrest seized those pages of the diary that contained compromising facts about the high military ranks of France.