You feel rather strange when, like this, for no reason, no reason, you find yourself in front of a very familiar door. Yes, maybe, when I used to be a welcome guest here, but now? Every next second throws me into doubt whether it is not necessary to turn around and go home. In the brain instantly ran frames of my past life. When I almost always entered this house with joy and left the place with no less joy.

Of course, I did another stupid thing by coming here. No, I'll go better home. Take a step back. Naughty hand reaches for the call and presses on almost native call. I can clearly hear the familiar trell, which strikes my brain like the sound of a bell. Everything. Now leave late. All doubts and fears receded back. Now only the unknown.

The door opens, and again, as I once did, much earlier, when I was still alive, I see her as graceful and adamant. Her playful eyes cast a deep look on me and drown me in their impenetrable abyss. They are the same strict and childish, fascinating and soothing. She catches my confused look and, smiling, is silent.

- Hello, my dear ... - as always, I say naturally, and, bending a bit, kiss her on the forehead.

“Hello, come on,” her voice was just as soft and gentle.

I walked into the apartment, as if I had gone down the stairs back into the past. It was like being young and insolent again. It seemed that I was here only yesterday.

“And you haven't changed at all,” I say, taking off my jacket.

- You too.

I look at her and do not understand. I don't understand anything. The reality is such a vague thing that sometimes you fall out of time. You fall out of space into some huge, tremendous depth. The depth of her eyes. Her gaze. Her soul.

- I brought you a present. From zai ...

She began to look curiously at the bottle of beer that I took from the bag.

“Thank you very much,” she smiled again. - I haven't drunk beer for so long. And the Baltic Nine did not try at all ...

- Well, run faster. Open up.

- From Zai, speak?

I nodded and casually pushed her toward the kitchen. She went to open a beer, and I went into the room and sat on the sofa, my head back and eyes closed.

Today was a very hard day. I was so tired that when I closed my eyes, a huge weight of lead began to fill my eyelids. I was afraid that I would fall asleep, and I opened my eyes.

She was already squatting in front of me and holding two groceries in her hands with a wonderful penis drink. With a gesture she invites me to take a glass, and I obey.

A tiny sip of cool liquid burns something inside and brings me to my senses. Yes, it's easier. Now I feel.

“Tell me,” I say.

- What to tell you.

- Tell me about your life. After all, so long time no see.

- Yes, you already know everything. Tell me about yourself.

- I missed you terribly. So I decided to see you.

- I missed you too. She herself somehow wanted to come to visit you, but I won’t find it all the time.

- Busy means. All time is not, yes? If I could call you somehow ...

- You know that I just do not know how to call.

I look at her eyes. Nick can not remember their color. And I understand why. I do not see them. And through them. I look into their depths. In the soul.

They somehow changed in the last minutes. Maybe this is already a beer hop, maybe something else ... I can't believe it. But these are the very eyes that I loved so much. Who so loved me.

“You're looking at me like that again,” she suddenly asked. - What for?

I try to answer, but words do not fly out of my mouth. Someone squeezed me in my chest, that even it became difficult to breathe.

“I missed you so much, I wanted to see you.”

- Well, look. While I'm here.

And I look. I remember her every dash of her face, as if studying anew. Her gloomy black brows, powdered nose, pink lips ... Mmm. Get crazy. From her lips all go crazy. But once I drank the heat of her lips. Yes, precisely, I did not kiss, but drank a cup of joy and warmth.I stretch my hand and lightly stroke her hair, afraid to touch something that does not belong to me. I rub my hand across her cheek, as if trying to reach across the abyss of madness and cold darkness to a warm and dimly burning candle, foretelling tranquility and joy of being.

Suddenly she raised her hand and pressed my palm to my face. I could not move it. I felt hot. My whole body was boiling. So I wanted to hug her, press her tight. And kiss. And she felt it. She read it in my eyes. She clutched my hand so tightly to me that I began to feel her inner world. I didn't need words to communicate with her. It was enough just a glance. And it seemed to me that both of us are now roaring. Cry like punished kids. The eyes became wet. And she, and me. But inside everything was dry and clenched, ready at any moment to explode a million tears of joy and sorrow.

- What is happening to me? - she squeezed out of herself, clasping my hand with both hands.

I do not hold, and embrace her. A little bit more and I'll just strangle her with my arms. I don't want to let her go. I can not. I want to press it even stronger to his shoulder.

“Alyosha, I do not understand what is happening to me ...” she repeated.

- However, this is nastalgiya, Marina.

“Maybe you're right ...” she whispered and released my hand. - But why?

“Because you still want me ...” I replied, plucking up arrogance.

I saw no anger in her eyes. They were rather filled with longing. And interest.

- How did you get this? - she smiled.

- I'm not blind. Yes, and I know you a little bit all the same ...

- Do you know? Then tell me about me.

- Ask what you are interested in?

- What I want?

Pause. I look into her eyes and read the answer. They beg me to say the answer. But I can not. A whole infinite moment I can not. I have a chill. Begins to bang, as in the Christmas frost. I'm shaking. I take her hand and give her a kiss. I look up ... and I answer.

- Me.

I'm like a crazy puppy starting to lick her palm. I kiss her. I suck. Spend language on each line. For each cell of her hand. I can not stop. A very elastic spring seemed to straighten up inside me. It seems that my organs are about to erupt in blood, crumble to smithereens into small pieces.

Very often at such moments it seems to me that I am dying. I begin to see myself from the outside, not at all with my own eyes. My soul as if leaves the body and starts spinning around in a whirlwind of oblivion and a pleasant languor. Perhaps death is not such a terrible thing as it seems ...

I frantically swallowed the air and kissed, kissed, kissed ... Probably, this is ridiculous, but all I need is the palm to go crazy. My faithful friend has long tested the strength of the fabric of my pants. I could feel him straining and getting wet in my pants, trying to break out.

I stopped. It took only a few seconds, but it seemed to me that the whole night had passed. Night of pleasant sensations and love.

Marina was shaking. A little bit. Her eyes were rolled up. She squirmed like a thin stalk with a strong wind.

- I was not so good with anyone as with you. “Never,” I admitted.

She was silent. She stood in front of me and was silent, closing her eyes and clutching at my hand.

I got up and hugged her.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

- Do not apologize.

Good or bad, I began to wonder. In the end, I realized that it was good, because I felt ...