dedicated to CBS "... Only the enemy will come to the rescue, Only the righteous man looks slyly The most beautiful freak, And only the lover thinks sensibly. " (Francois Villon. "Ballad of truths inside out") “Larvas are born under the influence of a particularly obsessive idea and are supported by the vital force of their creator.” ("Magic and Hypnosis. Clarification of the Occult under the editorship of Dr. Papus") OCTOBER 4. The stadium was unbearably cold. The head buzzed, like the bell of Ivan the Great. Something wet lay on his forehead.

- Alive? And we thought - everything! With the ends! - An unfamiliar elderly woman with kind eyes with a handkerchief held near the edge of my blood broken lips.

- No, mother. He will still live ... a little, just let his teeth do not constrict another time, ”said a hoarse male voice.

I looked at the benefactor. And he did not look away. He got no less than mine - it seems they broke their nose. But this hoarse type kept well done, and I something limp.

OCTOBER 5 ... I was equally indifferent to both the second and the second. I waited for her, waited unsuccessfully, and there was no hope for a meeting. I would stand like that, leaning against a pillar, for a hundred years - if only she would come. But suddenly, right and left in the lobby of the metro station, Special Forces troops gushed.

- Facing the wall, bitches!

As soon as I looked away at this full-bodied snout in camouflage, I immediately wanted to sign up for the party. Riot policeman shoved in the back, I put my nose on the marble.

- Men! Yes, what is it! - shouted compassionate old woman. - They are worse than the Nazis!

She pulled the rubber on the head, she no longer got up. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that the crowds of citizens rushed down the suddenly frozen escalators. They were chased after them, the stragglers were finished off, the strong pressed the weak ...

- You see, man! - echoed my hoarse neighbor. - You wanted to stay away, and sometimes there are moments in life that you can not keep clear.

I wanted to interrupt these morals that had begun, but I was taken aback - how dexterously this stranger had gotten into other people's thoughts. He, to ever-increasing surprise, did not continue, but asked, unexpectedly and directly:

- No, out of love !?

- I just touched Her hand, helping to get off the steps of the bus. I did not have time to tell her anything. In addition, she always loved the other ...

- All the trouble in the world because of the women! - hoarse neighbor.

“She is not a woman,” I answered, and wanted to ask a completely natural question ...

- Comrades! Can be a little quieter! Even in the morning a little sleep! - a fairly rumpled male of professorial appearance rose from the bench.

“Louis the Eleventh,” continued my strange interlocutor in a whisper, “once he remarked:“ Where a woman is involved, the greatest fool has more chances to win than a sober and pious one. ” To achieve a woman, you have to become meaner, lower, blacker than you really are. Otherwise, you will lose to a more sophisticated suitor.

- Is there no other way? - I grinned.

- Why? There is!

- Forget the girl, like a bad dream, and look for another?

“Do I look like an evil prankster? ... There is a different road, but, having entered this path, you will not leave it just like that,” he said mysteriously, and added. - Do you know, forgive the familiarity of what "larva".

- Some slang word.

“Not a“ body ”, but a larva,” the hoarse corrected.

- I do not know! - I confessed.

- And do you want to get out of here?

- Of course!

- So! Larv is a desire, it is your materialized will! Consider that she is a special living creature that you can bring up and apply at the most suitable moment for that. I am quite ripe for escape! Are you with me?

I nodded silently, I couldn’t say a word — two or three centimeters above his head, the void began to thicken, as far as air was capable of, and after another moment something like a slippery eel swayed there. Translucent, it then concentrated, casting silver, then again lost both color and contours.

- You probably wanted to ask, at the expense of what the larvies exist? - continued my interlocutor calmly. - On the one hand, it is psychic energy, it is the energy of your thoughts, the flight of your fantasy is all conscious and unconscious, and on the other ...

- Hey there, "sympathizers"! Something hurt talking! - A hefty guard called out to us.

I did not notice how this bastard approached. He is on the one, we are on this side of the barbed wire.

- Come on! Hands behind your head and towards me, in single file!

- On the other hand ... - continued hoarse a little louder.

Then the guard dropped ... (several pages torn out)

NOVEMBER 22 ... and unconscious.

The end of the first quarter of the moon. A week later the full moon.

As Ramacharak advises, I presented a long cone, rather even a pipe, tapering on that edge. I dared to look into it, but in a flash I fell into non-profit ...

Music is playing. Hall? More likely a stage in Gorky Park? Regular visitors rise to the scene. They sing hits of the past. The presenter addresses me, going down to the benches: “What would you, young man, want to hear from this girl?”

That's her. With loose hair, in a long, on the very feet, dress. For some reason, barefoot. It seems to be there, but I do not recognize. I: “And under Herman -“ Hope ”- can you?” She: “I have never heard, but I will try!” Moderator: “Speak words!”

And here she is on stage. He comes up to the microphone, but he has nothing in power to sing - his lips open silently and his lips close. I suggest: "The star is shining ... the unfamiliar ... the star ..." But She looks at me helplessly, not understanding. Music is playing...

The next day I called Her, despite the ban. The tube was lifted, but they are silent - undoubtedly She. "Wait! I have to say something important ... ”But the answer is silence.

29TH OF NOVEMBER. Today we have a full moon. After the ritual of relaxation in my hands like a fireball. I fall asleep instantly. I dream that I picked up a kitten on the street, and brought it home - it turned out, this is the ninth in a row.

In the morning was on duty. She comes to work at nine. Standing on the other side of the street, I can watch Her for a few minutes, admiring the incomparable article, until the damned bus conceals this sweet creature in its dusty and sweaty bowels.

She does not realize my presence. Tomorrow happy moments will be repeated again. And let it be every day.

DECEMBER 1ST. He performed the Tarot ritual of seven cards. Question: “What will happen if I use magic in my relationship with Her?”

Top lay "Peace" and "Tower". Then - "Teacher". Below - "Empress" and "Lovers", above them - "Wheel of Life." The triangles converged on the "Emperor." Above me the work of a lifetime, but cowardice is stronger, and one cannot do without advice ... Well, such advice has already been given to me!

Subconscious love is sincere, it is pushing for action, but this is a test. Having sustained it, having shown patience, with a certain luck I will get what I want.

Why am I actually thirsty? Egoist! I need her, like the sun and the air, but the girl loves another, even if it is unrequited. She will not accept anything from me, and is it worth continuing ... But the path has been chosen, and you just can’t get away from it!

4 DECEMBER. Crescent. It's cold outside. Again a strange dream.

Toli camp, toli prison, maybe a military unit. I am participating in the escape. The same scenario repeatedly scrolls, but they kill me all the time and not run away. Finally, in the last dash, breaking a huge mirror, I break through it into Nothing, where there is complete and undivided Freedom. Her name is Powerless.