Lord, how could you be right, my dear girl, my little cat! Do you really feel so good about people ... and me? Where did you come from in my measured life? Why do I look at the only one I have your photo and mentally come back all the time when I could see you so often? Where are you from, sorceress? ...
A few meetings months ago, tea drinking together, laughter and talk ... Then, it seems, after an eternity of silence - a couple of telephone conversations and finally ... a meeting. It seems to be in the circle of friends, but it seemed to me that I could feel your every look with your skin, I feel gestures, I catch the silver play of laughter and the magic fluttering of air hair. I blush and turn pale at the same time, freeze at a meeting, at the sound of an unearthly voice ... Palms freeze and moisturize, lips for some reason glow, mist in my head. Why is this? I do not know ... Although, no, I know. Lying to yourself - what could be worse? I know and understand everything, but ...
I had to, I had to tell you about it even then, in the summer ... I understood it a long time ago. But time does not return.
Scattered I look into the dusty glass and I don’t understand how a white star can burn on a white, hot sky during a day ?! How can chirping birds drown out the noise of cars, bursting into open windows? I do not understand!! For that I understand that if I don’t tell anyone now - either, at least to a casual passerby or an access bench, how I miss you, and how often I miss you, something irreparable will happen. I'll go blind, go deaf, lose my mind!
As crazy, I look into the eyes of people coming to meet me. But they turn away, frightened by a direct, point-blank look.
They are not hurt by tenderness. They are normal, tortured by life ...
... This night will seem endless to me. I will see and hear only you in a dream. Already, I ask ... forgive me, my little white star - for the dark circles, painted with watercolor, insomnia and longing under my eyes. I wish you would have kissed them ... then, when - letting me accept this kiss and give me such a gift. Knowing that this will never happen and that my feeling, so lonely and wrong - is unshared forever, I still beg your pardon. For some reason it seems to me that you would not like that I miss you so much ...
December 18, 00